Is the way you’re masturbating ruining your sex life?

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Take a moment to think about how you wank. I’ll wait…

If you conjured up an image of yourself sitting in front of a computer screen, cock in one hand, mouse in the other, clicking on a new video from your favourite tube site…

Or, lounging/laying in bed, cock in one hand, phone in the other, scrolling or swiping through your favourite Instagram models…

I hate to break it to you, but this way of masturbating is negatively impacting your sex life. The way you masturbate is the way you have sex with your partner. If you’re closed down, stagnant, stationary, tense, focussed only on your cock, outsourcing your arousal to a fantasy on the screen in front of you, and furiously jerking off to reach an ejaculation as efficiently as possible, this is what will happen when you’re with a sexual partner. You’re conditioning yourself to experience pleasure in a certain way.

When I encourage men to change the way they masturbate, one of the suggestions I make is to minimize the amount of porn they watch. Often, when men try this, they find it difficult to feel aroused without the visual stimulation and resort to fantasizing about a sexual encounter. Unfortunately, many imagined sexual fantasies are unrealistic, that’s why they’re fantasies.

So, the fantasy on screen is just being substituted for a fantasy in your head. This isn’t very conducive for changing your masturbation. Instead of fantasizing about something you want to, try visualizing something realistic actually happening to you.

As you masturbate, visualize your current partner or person you’re dating. See in your mind’s eye their real body, in real positions. Hear their moans, feel their skin. Visualize your partner reaching orgasm. Imagine it all from a first-person perspective.

And, if you’re really ready to change your masturbation, start moving your body and connecting to areas other than your cock. Practice makes perfect, so don’t just make this a one-time thing. The more you’re able to visualize and become responsible for your own arousal as well as explore your pleasure and become responsive to your own touch, the better sex you’ll have.

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