I'm Cam Fraser

My story

During my late teenage years, I had an uneasy relationship with my sexuality. Marred by insecurities and perceived inadequacies, I had difficulty fully connecting with my sexual partners. I relied heavily on alcohol to inhibit my fears regarding the expression of my sexual desires and cannot recall many times when I was sober during a sexual experience with another person.

I was overly concerned about my sexual “performance,” to the point where that anxiety affected my ability to get and maintain an erection when with a sexual partner or to last for a satisfying period of time – of course, the alcohol didn’t help with this. To compensate, I focused my energy almost exclusively on oral and digital sex, thinking that if I could make up for my lack of penetrative sex by giving my partners pleasure and orgasms by other means, it would take some of pressure off me to “perform.” In a way, this worked. But in other ways, it didn’t.

I wasn’t dealing with the cause of my insecurities and dysfunction, I was applying a band-aid solution that temporarily masked the problem. This resulted in me actively avoided sexual experiences and unceremoniously rejecting the advances of sexual partners. Eventually, this led to mental health issues.

Overcoming these things – becoming comfortable with my sexuality and sexual energy, becoming a confident yet vulnerable lover, becoming clear about my desires and experiences – took time. It wasn’t a “one pill quick fix” or “one weird trick” solution peddled by many “authorities” on sexuality. It took work. I studied psychology, philosophy, massage, Yoga, Tantra (both Classical and Neo), sexology and sacred sexuality in order to better understand my body, my mind, and my sexual self. I learned from many teachers, from many different traditions. And, it took me several years before I felt comfortable teaching others.

As American writer Richard Bach famously said, “We teach best what we most need to learn.” This was certainly true for me. I most needed to learn sexual education and healing, which is what I taught. As professor Howard G. Hendricks has said, “You teach what you know, but you reproduce what you are.” This has been the current phase of my journey, practicing what I preach and fully embodying, fully living the knowledge I’ve acquired.