by Cam Fraser // February 11 // 0 Comments

Everyone has stories about men’s sexuality, including women. Here’s something for the women who have messaged me. These are general and will not apply to every man:

(1) We respond to praise. We aren’t sex-crazed animals with no self-consiousness surrounding sex. We feel self-conscious about our weight, or parts of our body, and can really be affected by this when being sexual. We like to hear compliments.

(2) We fear intimacy. We don’t have a lot of outlets for intimacy in our lives and society tells us that we shouldn’t want or need it. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify us; not because it’s smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it.

(3) We like sex for sex’s sake. While intimacy and post-sex cuddling can be wonderful for many of us, sometimes a little “throw-me-down sex” is exactly what we want, plain and simple. This isn’t about dominating you, it is about ravishing you.

(4) We want to be touched. We aren’t just our cocks, the rest of our body feels great when you touch it. We just don’t tell you to move your hands elsewhere because we’re afraid that if we do, you will shut down and not touch us at all.

(5) We have sexual fantasies. We want to share our fantasies with you but we worry that you will shame or judge us. We also want you to share your own sexual fantasies with us.

(6) We want you to be vocal and honest. Heavy breathing, groaning, and moaning are all sounds that turn us on. Talking and asking for what you want during sex is also a huge turn on. We want you to embrace sex. But, we don’t want you to fake it. If the sex isn’t good for you, we want to know.

(7) Erections aren’t everything. We can be aroused and not have an erection, just like we can have an erection but not be particularly aroused. If we aren’t hard or able to get it up, it doesn’t mean you don’t turn us on. There are also ways to be sexual that don’t involve an erection.

(8) Ejaculation isn’t the be-all and end-all. There are plenty of reasons we might not “finish” and just because we don’t, doesn’t mean we’re not enjoying ourselves. It’s also not your job to make us “finish”.

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Cam Fraser is a Certified Professional Sex Coach and Certified Sexologist. Being a former Tantric Yoga Teacher, his work integrates scientifically validated, medically accurate information about sexual health, with sacred sexuality teachings from the mystery traditions. As a coach, he helps men go beyond surface-level sex and into full-bodied, self-expressed, pleasure-oriented sexual experiences free of anxiety or shame.

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