“The physical act of sex in and of itself really isn’t all that pleasurable” - Andrew Tate, Fresh&Fit Podcast
When it comes to sex, these are the beliefs of Andrew Tate, dubbed the King of Toxic Masculinity. In fact, on several occasions he has doubled down on his opinion that sex isn’t enjoyable. And many men are listening to him.
“Sex in and of itself is boring… Sex is a chore… it’s really not that great” - Andrew Tate, Grilling with Chian Reynolds
You’ll find that this belief about sex is pretty common among self-proclaimed alpha males and Top Gs. They frame sex as something that doesn’t mean much to them as a way to emphasise their supposed superior masculinity. The logic is that if they don’t derive a lot of pleasure from sex, it must be because they’re having so much of it that they can simply take it or leave it.
Often, sexual pleasure is actually perceived as a weakness, something that real men don’t need and shouldn’t want. What this all says to me is that these men have a poor relationship with sexuality, eroticism, and pleasure. It tells me that experiencing pleasure – genuine, authentic, full-bodied pleasure – is uncomfortable and scary for them. I know this because I’ve coached plenty of men who, although they don’t follow Tate and his cronies, are reluctant to explore the depths of pleasure that are available to them, settling instead for gratification, never scratching further than the surface of their sexual experiences.
While the men I’ve worked with find joy and aliveness overcoming their resistances and delving into the full spectrum of their pleasure, which is personally such a honour to facilitate and witness, I can’t help but think that there are millions of men out in the world who listen to Tate’s messages about sex and deprive themselves (and their partners) of the incredible sensations that their body is naturally capable of experiencing.
I envision a world where we collectively encouraged men to be present with their pleasure, to explore and experiment with it. Instead of telling men that the purpose of life is “to struggle… to endure pain… and to see how hard we are to kill,” as Tate shares on The Ahmed Mahmood Show, my desire is to invite them to enjoy the subtle pleasures of life, be generous, be in pleasure with others, and share their joy with the people surrounding them.
My passion is to transform men’s relationship with pleasure, from thinking of it as something that detracts from their masculinity to something that adds immense value to not only their lives but also the lives of their colleagues, friends, and loved ones. I’m striving for a future where men wholeheartedly embrace genuine, authentic, full-bodied pleasure as the cornerstone of a healthy, thriving life, and invite others to do the same.
I sincerely believe that exploring, experiencing, and embodying our eroticism as men will at minimum improve our own world, if not the entire world. Sex isn’t “a weapon you need to use,” as Tate encourages on the Fresh&Fit podcast. Sex, both solo and partnered, is an opportunity to allow yourself to let go of the self-imposed constraints hindering your capacity for joy, aliveness, and pleasure. We all deserve and have the right to experience pleasure, to not feel shame about it, to thrive in our enjoyment of life.
Pleasure is the fuel for a purposeful life. The question is, are you going to listen to men like Andrew Tate or are you going to give yourself permission to find out how pleasurable life can be?