7 Elements of Self-Pleasuring.

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​According to the World Health Organization, COVID-19 is a pandemic. As such, many of us are being encouraged to self-isolate, to socially distance ourselves, to refrain from physically connecting with others. Amongst the anxiety and uncertainty, an opportunity has presented … Read More

Do you love your cock?.

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​When I speak to men about how they masturbate, I often notice a recurring theme regarding the way they touch themselves. Many men will masturbate with the mindset that they want to get something from their cock. They want an … Read More

Masculinity

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​What are your thoughts?

The Ejaculatory Cycle

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Driven by biological urges and hormonal changes in the body, the Ejaculatory Cycle is often felt as frustration, tension or anxiety. This is what the cycle looks like; (1) Feel the build up of sexual tense, frustration or anxiety, (2) … Read More

International Masturbation Month

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It is nearing the end of International Masturbation Month. If you’ve been celebrating the month, you might have used your hands celebrate yourself a few times this month as well. While our using our hands during self-pleasuring can be enjoyable, … Read More

Brain and Balls.

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You may have seen the beautiful artwork [swipe to see] comparing vocal chords and the vulva (from @luisaalexandre), bringing light to the connection between these areas of the female body, noting the body’s tendency to replicate and repeat (by @myorgasmiclife). … Read More

The Winged Phallus.

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In ancient Roman religion and magic, the fascinus or fascinum was the embodiment of the divine phallus, often depicted as a winged phallus. The English word “fascinate” ultimately derives from the late 16th century Latin fascinat, in the sense “bewitch,” … Read More

Small Penis Syndrome.

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🎨 @book.of.phallus.illustrations Just about every man – regardless of the actual size of his penis – worries about being too small. In fact, according to a 2008 study in the Journal of Health Psychology, men list the size of their … Read More

The one golden rule

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​Golden rule: Touch your partner the way they want to be touched, not the way you want to be touched

My reminder.

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When I receive messages like this, I remember how important this work is. Many men don’t have a framework for speaking about sex and sexuality. We’re often told how not to express our sexuality and what not to do. The … Read More

Orgasm Denial

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Orgasm Denial. Orgasm denial falls under the umbrella of orgasm control. Essentially, you’re not allowed to orgasm, either at all, for a specified period or until you complete a task. Orgasm denial can be a done alone, but it also … Read More

Using your ejaculation as a tool.

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I’ve spoken before about how you can intentionally use your ejaculation as a clearing tool to let go off emotional and energetic baggage you’ve been holding on to which has been weighing you down. You may feel lighter after an … Read More

Why I even bother either responding?

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Recently, I’ve received several messages and comments from people asking me why I even bother either responding to people who make inappropriate comments on my posts or making videos about other peoples’ content. They typically say things like, “What’s the … Read More

Bondage basics for beginners.

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I often get asked about how to introduce bondage into the bedroom? Here are some bondage basics for beginners. If you’re new to bondage/restraints, my 1st suggestion would be find someone you feel comfortable with exploring these things. It could … Read More

Lasting too long? ?

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“The Right to Sex” by Amia Srinivasan The DSM-5 (2013) defines delayed ejaculation (DE) as “difficulty or inability to ejaculate despite of the presence of adequate sexual stimulation and the desire to ejaculate.” Jenkins and Mulhall (2015) believe that delayed … Read More

NFL and ED

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According to a systematic review, rugby and American football have the highest concussion incidences compared to other sports (Prien et al., 2018). Concussion is the most common type of mild traumatic brain injury (Tator, 2013). Another recent systematic review found … Read More

Latest book!

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“The Right to Sex” by Amia Srinivasan I purchased this book the other and have just started reading it. I had previously read Srinivasan’s essay for the London Review of Books about Incels and appreciated her deconstruction of desire – … Read More

Masculinity does not necessitate sexual experience.

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I’ve been in plenty of situations where a group of men are talking about sex. Something I noticed, especially when I was younger, is that many men boast about their sex lives to appear more manly. Men tell sexual jokes … Read More

Ever wondered why, when you ejaculate, you can’t keep going and ejaculate again?

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The reason why many men are one-hit wonders in the bedroom is because of a hormone called prolactin, which is released from the anterior pituitary gland. Prolactin is known for stimulating milk production after childbirth but it also suppresses sexual … Read More

How many terms do you know for the word “Penis”?

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Before you read the rest of this post, take a moment to comment below some of the terms you know for “Penis.” Full permission to be as vulgar as you want, reminiscent of the schoolyard. I’ll gift a free copy … Read More

Masculinity does not necessitate sexual experience.

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​I’ve been in plenty of situations where a group of men are talking about sex. Something I noticed, especially when I was younger, is that many men boast about their sex lives to appear more manly. Men tell sexual jokes … Read More

Do you find people who use sex toys creepy?

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In case you missed it, here is a little snap shot of peoples’ attitudes toward sex toys, taken from my story. Of course, this is only a single binary choice question which lacks nuance and the sample size is relatively … Read More

Glorification of body building

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I’ve noticed some online men’s communities glorify bodybuilding. It’s common knowledge that bodybuilding usually goes hand in hand with steroid use, especially in competitive environments. I’ll preface what I’m about to say by conceding that the long-term impact of high … Read More

Stop limiting yourself.

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​Straight men, stop thinking that if you like anal play that means your gay. Firstly, it’s 2020, homophobia is not a good look on you. Secondly, anal pleasure doesn’t automatically make you gay. Your prostate doesn’t have a gender. If … Read More

What is your kink?

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​Are you really a Tantric lover or do you just have an unacknowledged kink for crystals and incense?

Casual sex doesn’t mean…

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I’m looking at you, fellahs! @drnerdlove said this on our podcast together over a year ago, it has stuck with me ever since.

Holy Virility

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“This is man’s biggest sexual problem: his inability to let himself be really carried away by sensuality. Man is afraid of letting himself go. In his struggle to dominate, he feels that every sexual pleasure is a threat and he … Read More

Perineum Massage.

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If your partner has a penis and you’re looking for a novel way to touch them, try massaging their perineum, the skin in between the testicles and the anus. The sponge-like regions of erectile tissue in the penis actually extend … Read More

Conscious conception

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As I’ve shared before, my partner and I had a child this year. On this journey of conception, we’ve found a lot of conscious conception knowledge pertaining to her, hardly anything for me. I would like to contribute to the … Read More

Not all porn is created equal

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Because I speak about male sexuality, I get asked all the time about porn usage. A lot of my colleagues, particularly the more spiritually inclined, tend to lump all porn together and call it all bad. They’re anti-porn. Some of … Read More

What does a wet dream mean to you?

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I’ve spoken with men who are doing NoFap or practicing semen retention and believe that a wet dream is bad because it ends their streak of consecutive days without ejaculating. This has always intrigued me. Wet dreams, also called nocturnal … Read More

Relax your tongue.

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​If you’re interested in experimenting with ways to help yourself last longer, here is a pretty unique one. I’m not an orthodontist, so take this with a grain of salt. This is just what my understanding is. You may not … Read More

The Fox and the Grapes.

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Our society holds expectations and judgements about sex, which creates sex-related biases. One example is the sexual over perception bias, whereby men are more likely to overestimate a woman’s sexual interest (Bendixen, 2014). However, even though men have a tendency … Read More

Priapism.

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Priapism is a medical term describing a condition in which a penis remains erect for hours in the absence of stimulation or after stimulation has ended (Podolej & Babcock, 2017). In most cases, the persistent erection is also painful. The … Read More

Is the way you’re masturbating ruining your sex life?

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Take a moment to think about how you wank. I’ll wait… If you conjured up an image of yourself sitting in front of a computer screen, cock in one hand, mouse in the other, clicking on a new video from … Read More

Small Penis Syndrome.

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Just about every man – regardless of the actual size of his penis – worries about being too small. In fact, according to a 2008 study in the Journal of Health Psychology, men list the size of their penises among … Read More

What’s your relationship with your ejaculation?

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What’s your partner’s relationship with your ejaculation? Something I encourage couples to do is experiment with intentionally not ejaculating when they’re being sexual. I invite them to take ejaculation off the table for a few weeks. I ask them to … Read More

​20 Simple Things You Can Do To Last Longer

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🎨 Andy Warhol 1) Spend longer times in heightened states of arousal when masturbating. 2) Breathe into your diaphragm. 3) When you’re close to cumming, change to a new sex position. 4) Create more safety and comfort with your partner. … Read More

The Egg and The Sperm.

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In her 1991 journal article, anthropologist Emily Martin examined how gender roles are projected onto reproductive biology, portraying eggs as passive and sperm as active. Gynaecologist Gro Nylander exemplifies this in an excerpt from her 2002 handbook on pregnancy, writing: … Read More

Vasectomy ✂️

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Vasectomy is considered a simple, safe, effective and economical method used worldwide for long-term male contraception (Yang et al., 2021). The procedure involves isolation/exposition and occlusion of the vas deferens (Labrecque, 2019). That is, microsurgery is performed to cut the … Read More

The Lover Archetype

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One framework for exploring our sexuality is the Jungian archetype of the Lover. For myself, I’ve noticed how easily accessible the shadow aspects are; the Addicted Lover and the Impotent Lover. The Lover Archetype is the part of us that … Read More

Dribble or Shoot?

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🎨 @victoria_bruno_portfolio If you or your partner have a penis, you’ve probably seen an ejaculation. You may have even noticed that not all ejaculations are the same. For example, sometimes an ejaculation is expelled with more force and spurts like a … Read More

How do you touch your partner’s cock?

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Men don’t often handle their cock with gratitude and reverence. Instead, taking their cock for granted, they will use their cock to get something – an ejaculation, an orgasm – treating their cock like it has a job to do. … Read More

What is your route to pleasure?

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You’ve probably heard the saying before that, “men are more visual.” While I think the reality is a little more nuanced than that, this phrase often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for many men when it comes to experiencing pleasure. Many … Read More

Penis Anatomy

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The parts of the penis are the base, shaft, glans, and foreskin. Additionally, there is the corona, frenulum, scrotum and perineum. Two areas of the penis that I encourage people to pay particular attention to are the frenulum and the … Read More

Coffee and Erectile Dysfunction (ED).

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An estimated 154 million adults, or 75% of the US population, aged ≥20 y drink coffee; 49% drink coffee daily (Loftfield et al., 2016). It’s been hypothesized that coffee and/or caffeine initiates a series of pharmacological effects that lead to … Read More

Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

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Many men that I work with have explained to me that they aren’t sure how to healthily express their sexual desire, how to embody their sexual energy. They often share stories of having to mask their sexual feelings, pretending that … Read More

Post-Orgasm Torture (POT)

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Typically, the penis is quite sensitive immediately following an ejaculatory orgasm. This coincides with the refractory period and some people find their penis too sensitive to touch during this time. Hence, POT is the continued stimulation of the genitals straight … Read More

Erogenous Zones.

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The term erogenous zone comes from the Greek words eros, meaning “love” and -genḗs, meaning “born.” It originally referred to the now declassified mental disorder of female hysteria and the apparent areas of the body which evoked orgasm as a … Read More

Size really does matter!

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Have you ever worried about the size of your 🍆? Over 90% of men have at one point in their life, so I’m guessing you have too. I know I have, especially when the average male p0rnstar’s 🍆 is several … Read More

That’s not natural!

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Something I see in the spirituality/sacred sexuality community is the Appeal to Nature fallacy, which can be summarised: (1) That which is natural is good, (2) X is natural, (3) therefore, X is good. It can also be the negative … Read More

The Power of the Penis.

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I’ve spoken before about how I think it is important for us to be mindful of the language we use to describe penises, moving away from words like “rod,” “bat” and “gun,” which equate the penis with an inanimate, weapon-like … Read More

Sexual Energy is not Kundalini.

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This is just my opinion. As I understand it, Kundalini Tantra practices are about exploring Shakti, the Divine Feminine, the Great Goddess. Shakti is essentially energy; the spiritual power within every existing thing, including human beings. The universe operates in … Read More

Oral Sex.

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 @flowsofly I recently chatted with Parish Blair (@sexyspirittv) about oral sex. She helped me reflect on my own perceptions and offered a great reframe. I was introduced to oral sex in my mid-teens, before intercourse. There was a sense of … Read More

A Life Bookended by Erections.

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The first erection. It is common for newborn babies to get an erection. Even before the moment of birth, ultrasound scans have shown fetuses with fully formed erections (Sherer et al., 1990). According to one study, fetal erections occur mostly during REM sleep … Read More

Post-Nut Syndrome ??

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Men just roll over and go to sleep after sex, right? Well, one reason why men may be reluctant to cuddle after sex is a phenomenon known as postcoital dysphoria (PCD). This isn’t exclusive to men, as PCD has also … Read More

What are you doing after sex has finished?

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​I speak a lot about the intricacies leading up to and during sex, but what are you doing after sex has finished? Contrary to what porn would have you believe, sex doesn’t finish at the “money shot.” And, unlike what … Read More

Painting a picture

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I’ve spoken before about the language we as a society use when talking about penises and how it paints a picture regarding our perception of penises and the people who have them. From words like “pole,” “hammer” and “pipe” to … Read More

The way you poop impacts your sex life.

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I have a theory. My theory is that the way you poop impacts your sex life. Hear me out. The way many of us poop is incorrect. If you’ve ever seen the hit viral video ”This unicorn changed the way … Read More

Firmness

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It is natural for erection firmness to wax and wane throughout a sexual experience. Many of us expect a penis to be hard the whole time we’re being sexual, but this is sometimes unrealistic, especially during longer sexual encounters. If … Read More

Libido

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Yes, testosterone is connected to libido but it’s not solely responsible for it. For example, dopamine, cortisol and estradiol all impact libido. Also, women can have very high sex drives but produce hardly any testosterone. What this means is that … Read More

Blue Balls

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Blue Balls. I get asked about blue balls a lot. Men ask me about it when I discuss semen retention with them. Women ask me about it when their partner uses it as an excuse to pressure them for sex. … Read More

Penises are like snowflakes.

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Penises are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike ❄️ 🍆. They do the most growing during puberty, but puberty and penis growth happen at different times and speeds for everyone. According to Amara Charles, author of The Sexual Practices … Read More

Libido.

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Yes, testosterone is connected to libido but it’s not solely responsible for it. For example, dopamine, cortisol and estradiol all impact libido. Also, women can have very high sex drives but produce hardly any testosterone. What this means is that … Read More

Just because you have a cock.

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Just because you have a cock, doesn’t mean that you have to be the one in charge, or the top, or the dominant, or the person doing the penetrating, or be assertive, or be “masculine.” Also, even if you are … Read More

“I had sex’

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Our world has set up penile-vaginal intercourse (PVI), specifically, as the “default” sexual activity – as the one kind of sex the majority of people will tend to think of when someone says “I had sex.” This was definitely the … Read More

Ejaculation Control ?

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Many men ask me about ejaculation control and state that they’re somewhat familiar with Mantak Chia’s 3-finger, Million Dollar Point technique. Something I always make abundantly clear in my work with men is the dangers of using such techniques. The … Read More

Women

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Everyone has stories about men’s sexuality, including women. Here’s something for the women who have messaged me. These are general and will not apply to every man: (1) We respond to praise. We aren’t sex-crazed animals with no self-consiousness surrounding … Read More

Can men can experience as much pleasure as women?

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Women experience more pleasure than men. An often made claim is that the clitoris has 8000+ nerve endings, double the amount found in the penis. The source of this claim is Lowry, Morrione, and Lowry’s 1976 book, entitled “The Clitoris.” … Read More

Edging

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​Edging is an ejaculation control technique whereby you maintain a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time without ejaculating. That is, you pleasure yourself right up to the edge of ejaculation and stay there, without going … Read More

Prostate Health

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Every time I speak about semen retention, someone asks me about ejaculation frequency and prostate cancer. Usually, they’re referring to a Daily Mail headline from 2017 which reads, “Ejaculating at least 21 times a month significantly reduces a man’s risk … Read More

Does erection = arousal?

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It is natural for erection firmness to wax and wane throughout a sexual experience. Many of us expect a penis to be hard the whole time we’re being sexual, but this is sometimes unrealistic, especially during longer sexual encounters. If … Read More